Lost in Paris

       Paris... This wonderful journey has taken me so much farther from where I first started. 

Every day tended to be some form of struggle, it was both harder and easier than I expected. 

Paris changed me. It changed my whole perspective on what I thought Paris would actually be. 

It helped me to find me and be ok with the way that I write. 

Paris was where I tasted freedom, 

it was where I tasted joy 

realizing that my words could touch other people.  

#realtalk

               Real talk:  Real talk is just sayin' what's on your mind with out a care for logic or what others think.

           So lets talk real. I'm graduating, and I'm scared out of my mind as to what is going to come next. I have this excitement inside of me just ready to burst out of the seams, but just underneath that excitement is an overwhelming, crushing weight of fear/ anxiety.

           I'm not 100 percent sure what I'm afraid of. Maybe its because I'm afraid of failing at college afraid that I wont be good enough at nursing.

            Maybe it's all these things.

          Or maybe it's just because I'm afraid of leaving the part of life that i know and that I've been comfortable with. But i'm still excited to start on this new journey in my life.    :)

                    "So much depends on a red wheel barrow glazed with rain, beside the white chickens."  
William Carlos Williams, 1883 - 1963

   How can such simple words hold so much power and meaning that varies for each person? 

Top 5

             My top 5 blog posts from others are

                                                            1: Kissing Drafts by Jackie O.

                                                         2: I Just found out it was an assembly schedule, Peter Mckeller
                                         
                                                      3:  Here's to those Girls: Rosie Grace
                                                         
                                                  4:  Imagination is not dead, you just have to acknowledge it, Rosie Grace
                                                       
                                              5: Valentines Day by Jackie O.

Tribute to Mom

       Mom I love you so much! I'm sorry I'm such a brat sometimes but I really love you and know that you do your best to help me and you are the most selfless person I have ever known.

               Love you Mommy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll always remember

       I remember my 5th grade teacher. I remember the kid that made me believe I was worthless, because I was "fat, ugly and stupid." 

      I remember the Mulberry tree between my fence and the field; and how we'd always climb it and pretend it was our fortress. I remember how half of my tennis shoes had purple stains from the berries on them. 

       I remember the Lilac bust between mine and my Grandparents house, where I would always pick "bouquets for my Grandma and Mom.

   I remember the stupid Woodpecker that ruined our shingles.

       I remember my first love who broke my heart. You made me learn a lot and helped me grow. But I regret that I didn't realize everyone was right. 

    I remember the 3 kids that commit suicide my sophomore year and wishing that I knew them and could've helped them in anyway possible. 

I remember pouring myself into fantasy novel after fantasy novel, because anything was better than reality.  I remember when I thought I couldn't write anything. 

    I remember how happy creative writing made me.

                              I remember the day my world flipped upside down. I was 11. I remember the first time I saw my Dad cry. It was at my grandpa's funeral when we were all standing next to the casket and praying. Each tear seemed to rip even more holes into my heart, because I knew if Dad, my strong tuff Daddy was crying then everything wasn't going to be ok for a while.

I remember when I wanted to die my hair pink, oh elementary school.

                I remember being crazy and not caring what people think. I remember getting hit in the head with a bat and how my head seemed to ring for days afterwards. 

           I remember having my Mom come and wake me up in the summer so that I could see the Highland fling fireworks. 
            
                             I remember the day I realized my Savior loves me, and how I cried tears of joy.

I'll always remember waking up an hour early on Saturdays so I could hurry and beat my brother to the tv to watch the cartoons I wanted. I remember my disappointment when I saw he was already there.       :)  

Lost

         Those we've lost are never far from us they're always there watching over us to try to help keep us

               from making stupid choices they love us and would never leave us.

How to Heal a Heart

    How to heal a heart. You wanna heal you say? Well it's not easy. 

That gaping chasm in your chest can't just be sewn together with a few a few stitches, 

or cemented in place with super glue. NO! 

This endless pit of confusion and anger isn't a quick and easy 

fix. 

Step 1:  pour the hurt & sadness out 

of the hole and onto the paper. 

Step 2: Be real not not sensical.

Let it flow out, let the poem say what you can't what every one else  is afraid to ask. 

"Does the pain ever go away?" 

Step 3: Cry, sob let the waterfall of salty tears wash down you jaw, 

each tear releasing a drop of pain as it shatters on the floor. 

HEAL.

....too late

             
                   

                                     

Balloon

Balloons

A balloon, is such a simple toy. It's just a thing of stretchy rubber full or air or helium and string. What's so fun about that right? But to a child, it's a Rocket Ship or a UFO or it can even be a Soccer ball. Sometimes, it's not the big fancy things that will make a child happy and have it last. It can be the simple and small things like talking time to listen to them and toys like balloons with maybe a faces drawn on them that can touch children's hearts. 

Gone Fishing

Gone Fishing: Suzie Zurflu

"gone fishing. a sign that says we've locked up and have gone to do something we love. we don't have these signs anymore.

how lovely would it be to live in a world where we could put up our own "gone fishing" signs?

gone dancing

gone painting

gone writing

gone singing

gone walking

gone reading

gone....

just gone."  

I'm jealous. I'm jealous I haven't thought to write something like this. 

I wish that I could show you how I feel with my words,

that I didn't use the word I so much.

Movie quote

                                  "You're a genius!"

                    "Yes, I shall go down in history as the man who opened a door."


                                            -Ever After

Sign

                            Rain is pouring down from the sky, just as your tears stream endlessly

                                      down your cheek.

        The dark ash colored clouds trudge across the sky; consuming all light and joy.

                                      Feeling like the sorrow within your heart.

                             You suddenly turn your head and glance outside

                                         looking for some kind of sign.


                                  And there, there gleaming and shimmering across the cloud darkened sky

                                         is your sign. A brightly colored rainbow

                                         

The Night

        Black, Frightening, and cold.

 It creeps slowly. 


        Suddenly as if someone flipped off the lights,

 you are plunged into nothingness.


                       Fear starts to set in, slowly turning your heart to ice.

Every little creek sets you on edge.

         Just as you are about to give in to the icey hopelessness,

                          light appears
just in time to guide you out and give you hope. Hope to escape the despair of the night.  

Ruins

      We are like the Ruins of a once great city 

                that started out great, but after year of wars starts to break apart. 

                                  

                                   How trials in our life push and push us, until we start to br e a k  ap a  r  t.

 The older we get the more our trails beat us down, 

just as each canon ball pounds hole after hole in the great stone wall.

Just when our city is about to fall though,

we remember.

We remember all the fun things in life, and what helped us through before; 

staying strong, believing in ourselves, having others believe in us, and giving it our all.

If we don't do the things that keep our city wall strong, 

all of our trials and sad things in life will tear us down

Stone by stone and piece by piece,

and the world will pass us by without a second glance...

So don't shut out every possibility thinking all is lost. Because there is always the sun, 

                   that one last ray of hope. 

The day my world shattered

                 They're Gone.

 Words that shatter everything that we thought we knew about life.

                                I still remember the day when i hear those words spoken to me.


                        It was a nice breezy September day.
September 17th.

  

That was the day, the moment I heard my Mom say words that I hope to never hear again.  

She told me that my Grandpa, 

my best friend 

was gone; 

that he didn't make it.

 After hearing this I felt two of the most conflicting feelings i have ever felt. 

      

I felt heart crushing sorrow burst inside of me. 

    Followed almost immediately by the most overwhelming sense of peace and love, 

                                   in that moment I knew that he was there with me, and he'd never leave me

            I knew that even though he wasn't here where I could see him anymore, he would always be with me

                                    In the 6 1/2 years since he's been gone I've come to realization that loved ones we've lost, 

aren't really lost at all. 

They are here all around us to guide us and comfort us.  

                 

                                                                             They are never as far as they seem 

Who am I to judge another, when I walk Imperfectly?"

"Who am I to judge another, 

when I walk imperfectly?"

#stolen Simply Rosie

This is how I feel when I read.

"Every living thing I come across when I read becomes a part of me! It's like the main people in my books become family to me; I can't lose them!"

Afraid

I'm Afraid & Fear. 

  Words that seem so simple, but hold so much power over us.

              I'm afraid that I'll never write well enough to make the top 5. That this sounds stupid and you don't

understand.            I'm scared that my brother will will forget me, scared that I hurt you.


Afraid you're dissapointed.


 I'm afraid of crying and not knowing why. Of  forgetting the ones I've lost. I'm scared that you've really left

me forever.

I'm scared.

Scared that I can't help you.

                I am afraid of fear itself. 

                        Because in reality that is the only thing that we all really fear

Angels

  

"I believe there are angels among us. 

Sent down to us from somewhere up above. 

They come to you and me, in our darkest hours,

 to show us how to live, to teach us how to give. 

To guide us with the light  of love."

Angels Among us - Alabama